Year 11 so far...

Hello everyone,
As you may or may not know I'm currently in my last year of high school and I'm so overcome with emotion that it's actually really hard to explain.Do I feel relief?Sadness?Happiness?Confusion?All I can say is that everything I think and feel has become merged together like a smoothie in a kitchen blender with the blade acting as a tornado propelling the stress. 

However,I'm hoping that by sharing my thoughts and feelings out loud,it will clear my mind up a bit and hopefully we can all have a relatable chat about how utterly weird becoming a young adult is.Haha...I don't really know but let's go with the flow.

First off,I want to mention how I'm struggling with revising for my GCSES.I thought I had it all planned out but during my mocks I was shocked as to how much there was to actually cover.When I found out about all the new rules and GCSE guidelines in Year 9,I was pretty casual about it all.Yeahhh right how thats changed!Now that I'm in Year 11 it's blaringly obvious that nahh nope,honey I'm fumin'.

In my opinion,it's ridiculous how they expect you to learn qoutes from two plays,a novel,18 poems and at least 8 physics formulas.The previous years had it so easy!I fail to see how one lil' brain can memorise so much information-of course on top of things like how to calculate pi D,the EXACT groyne measurents at our local beach and the 20 something required practicals across all three sciences(okayyy slight exaggeration...there's more like 7 or 8 but still)and so on.

How the F do they expect us to it all?I'm so grateful that my school offers an incredible amount of support(intervention forms,after school revision sessions every night etc)but its astonishing how much work we will need to put in considering how many subjects we must take.

I suppose this will lead me onto the next point.*shivers*What do yah do if you fail to get the grades you want?My predicted grades are very wierd,I range from 7s all the way down to 4s.Realistically,I already know that I won't be your absolutely amazing "omg she's everything I wanna to be kinda girl" who flashes her I-GOT-12-A-STARS bragging rights and everyone's drops down to their knees in complete awe but I'm adamant that I will be doing everything to get the best grade possible.After all,it would be an absolute dream to be able to get into the career I want.

Yet what if your 'best' isn't enough?What if you you can't get into A Levels/College?What if zero universitys want to take me?What if you can't find a job?Then what?What happens next?Will I be working In McDonald's for the rest of my life?Oh no!What if even McDonald's don't want me?This is my mind right now.It's in a constant overdrive of thoughts about my future.The future is scary.Life is scary.

Another thing I want to discuss is how turning 16 opens up new opportunities and responsibilities.Turning 16 is the point in your life where you are suddenly supposed to be all mature yet why do I still feel like a child?At 16 you can begin finding jobs,drive about on a moped and consent to basically anything but I don't know how ready I am for the adult world yet.There's a part of me who wants to find a job so I can start saving up for things like driving lessons but then on the other hand,it feels like its all too much and I'm not ready.Shocked is the word I think?I'm shocked that I'm now a young adult.I'm shocked that maybe in a few years time I could have a boyfriend.I'm shocked that I've grown up so fast. Ahh I'm going to miss the days at home during the summer holidays where I moaned the phrase "I'm bored" an infinite amount of times.

Wow I must have sounded like a crazy maniac getting consumed with anxiety during the whole entire post but does anyone understand?

Luckily though,even if no one does understand the struggle I know that whatever happens I won't be alone.If I fail my GCSEs,yes of course I will be extremely disappointed but there's always the possibility to retake it.You see,everything will work out eventually-no one has to be alone during this journey.If you're scared too about the next chapter in life just know that your friends,family,teachers and EVERYONE is right behind you.

*raises a glass*Here's to the future my fellow students!Lots of love,